My testimony

It dawned on me the other day that I've never really told my story.  It's not an earth shattering story, nothing that would make you sit back and ponder what appears to have been a miracle... although I think seeing God's hand in any situation is a miracle in itself.  But I was reading recently and came across a passage that said "..you don't need a dramatic account in order for your testimony to influence someone for Christ."  The quote is from The Unexpected Adventure by Lee Strobel and Mark Mittelberg. 

Don't get me wrong, I've told a few people, but not many.  I guess because I grew up believing in God, so why would I think I had a testimony?  And I did grow up believing in God.  I just didn't grow up understanding Him.  I didn't understand how much of an impact He could have on my life if I let Him.  I didn't fully understand Grace - not that I can wrap my head around someone dying for my sins now, but at least I understand well enough to appreciate how big of a deal that is.

I grew up going to church but had stopped as an adult.  And didn't really think much about it although I did have the notion in the back of my mind that once my daughter was old enough to start grasping ideas we needed to think about what we were going to do.  It was around this time that I began to notice something missing.  I felt like I was supposed to be doing something, something that required studying.  I ignored it for a while, but it was very persistent.  I wanted to study...something...I just didn't know what.  So I began applications to get my MBA.  I had everything done for the application, references written but something was stopping me from sending it in.   Then I decided to read the Koran.  Then the Torah.  Then the Bible.  This obviously wasn't a month long process, that's not exactly light reading.  I also read books about Christianity, Islam and Judaism. 

Then came the day when it was time to find a church.  I didn't want to go back to the religion I had grown up in, mostly because I felt like I had just learned more about the Bible in the self-study I had taken upon myself than while I was being instructed in my earlier years.  I didn't, and don't, have any hard feelings about that, but I wanted to find something else.  Being one of those people that looks just about everything up online, I set about trying to find a few churches to visit until we found one that my husband and I both felt comfortable in.  I was never a big fan of small churches because I wasn't comfortable with people at church knowing me. (I'm going to pause now in case someone from my church is reading this and needs to take a moment to laugh.)

I knew I wanted to look at this "non-denominational" thing.  That was perfect for someone who couldn't make up their mind. I just wouldn't pick a denomination.  I came up with a list and happened to be driving by a church one day and realized it was one of the churches on the list.  And I noticed that there was a humorous message on the church's sign.  We went there the next Sunday.  I don't know what I was expecting, but it was not to find myself crying from the moment the worship team opened with "Here I am to Worship" until the Pastor finished his closing prayer.  There was such a tangible feeling that the Holy Spirit was in that church it was amazing.  And I knew, although it took coming one or two more times to get the family on the same page, that I was home.

And I continued to study, although now I was able to direct my studies towards my spiritual growth.  And I haven't stopped, I have no desire to, it's an unquenchable thirst.  One I am thoroughly enjoying.  And I have learned alot about myself.  That dislike of people knowing me?  That was totally me not wanted to be held accountable.  That's changed.  It can be hard at times, but it's worth it.   I was baptized this past October because I felt like I had never made a conscience decision to commit to God, it was something I felt I wanted to do for a God that loves me so much that he sent His Son to die for me.  I wanted to make a statement to Him that I was committed to do my best to live the life he wants for me, to serve Him by serving others and to be a light showing Him to the world.  I know I'm going to have my ups and downs, I know I'm not going to be perfect, but I know He will be there to help me and to pick me back up when I've fallen.

I give a lot of credit to my pastor for helping me, knowingly and unknowingly, in my walk with Christ.  I know that God works through him.  And in case anyone wants to come check out this church and Pastor Dan, the church is linked -  First Church of God.  I encourage you, if you're anywhere near the Oak Lawn, IL area, to check it out.  Or listen to Dan on the website by clicking on the Media tab.

1 Corinthians 1:18

"The message of the cross is foolish to those who are headed to destruction! But we who are being saved know it is the very power of God." [Paul]  1 Corinthians 1:18 NLT

 For quite a while now this has been heavy on my mind.  Not because I don't believe that Christ actually died for me.  I do.  And while I may have momentary flare-ups on occasion when I think "Really? Can it be?", I always turn back to the fact that I absolutely believe that Jesus died for us.

I know some people who think that Christ didn't really die on the cross and that the resurrection was more of a symbolic act than a real event.  That scares me for them.  And it scares me as I wonder how many people also may think that...and if any of my family members may think that.  

I have a hard time talking about my beliefs.  It's something that I am trying to work on, though truth be told, I could be working harder on it.  I can write, but actually speaking about them, while it feels wonderful once I have, is hard for me. (I have a hard time talking about my feelings too, so this isn't a new thing for me. lol )

But I feel this point, Christ's death and resurrection, is SO important.  It's the key, isn't it?  The Bible even says it is.  In 1 Corinthians 15:17 Paul says "And if Christ has not been raised, then your faith is useless and you are still guilty of your sins."

It is real.  It happened.  Would you let yourself be tortured and killed for something that did not really happen?  The disciples were tortured and, with the exception of Peter, killed for their belief in Christ's resurrection and his place as Son of God.  

I'm sitting here on my first day of vacation (okay, it took me a few days to get to the cafe with internet access - so it's not actually the first day of my vacation anymore, unfortunately).  My first day outside the craziness that is my beloved town, Chicago.  The first day in the Northwoods that have always recharged me and that I have to come back to annually.  And when I read the words "the message of the cross...is the very power of God", I was led to write.  I have never felt led to write before.  I hope I was led because someone needed to hear.

God bless you!  And if you are a family member reading this, and even if you aren't, believe! believe! believe! (if you don't already).  I love you!